Sex can be beautiful, but it can also be an energetic drain in your life. Whether partnered or single, exchanging sexual energy isn’t always condusive to joy and peace. In fact, there are periods in life when sex is counter to everything your body, mind, and spirit need. During those periods, practicing celibacy can be a transformative experience.
I consider myself lucky. The women of my generation have more options than any generation before. It’s no longer unusual for women to opt out of having children, to run businesses, to run for political office and so on. As women, we’re pretty liberated in our life choices!
However, there’s an unspoken ball and chain that still lingers for many of us. The assumption that we somehow need to be in partnership or having sex, and if we don’t it’s a problem to solve.
Today I’d like to offer you the incredible, liberating, and healing power of practicing celibacy. Taking enforced periods of time to not have sex or date. The length of time you choose to remain celibate and/or single is up to your intuition. Maybe it’s a month, maybe it’s a year. It’s up to you.
This is not to be confused with periods of singlehood that you hate, while frantically searching Tinder and Hinge trying to “find the one”.
This is making the conscious choice to not date or have sex for a time. Implicit in this choice is cutting out all seeking, swiping, and sizing up.
Why the hell would anyone want to do this? Enter the magic world of practicing celibacy:
Strengthen Self Love
For many women, part of our healing process is learning to deeply love ourselves. Removing the crutch of sexual exchange and external validation can go a long way. Instead of seeking love outside of yourself, you now have the space to turn your focus inward.
Even if you’re partnered, going through brief periods without sex can help you to better connect with yourself.
Energetic Healing & Balancing
Sex is an energetic exchange. And women are on the receiving end of that exchange. This is not some woo-woo idea. We all have an energetic body, and when you have sex with someone, you’re giving and receiving that energy.
There are natural cycles of energetic healing in our lives. Those are the times when your soul is calling you to be still and simplify things. During those periods of emotional and inner work, it’s best not to open yourself up to the energetic residue of others. Especially others who aren’t consciously doing their own mental and emotional work.
There are incredible men in the world, but there are also many men who carry suppressed pain, anger, and resentment. When we open ourselves to these unconscious men, we also open ourselves up to receiving that energy.
That energy clouds our vision. We begin to lose touch with discernment. We begin to compromise ourselves, make exceptions, and lower our vibration to meet our partners where they’re at. All of this happens on the subconscious levels of our body-mind.
This begins a cycle of receiving imbalanced energy, then lowering our vibration to match his, then feeling in pain because we’re not living authentically, and then trying to heal. Over and over again. Stop flicking that first domino, and this insidious cycle will heal.
Reclaiming Focus. Reclaiming Life.
Many of us are taught that we “need” a partner, and that we need a “healthy sex life”. And when we don’t have those things, it’s a major problem to solve. This is a prison cell that society has built for us.
This takes over our focus. We spend chunks of each day searching, scanning, swiping, scrolling. We do ridiculous things like go to Home Depot in high heels hoping he’ll be there (thanks, cosmo magazine). We message pointless essays back and forth with strangers on dating apps. We go everywhere with our fingers crossed. We spend our precious time doing ridiculous things to fix a “problem” that isn’t at all a problem.
It’s time for us to stop giving our lives away to this sort of nonsense.
To escape the time-sucking, energy drain of constantly searching for Mr. Right, make a conscious choice. “No dating. No searching. And No Sex for X Months”.
If and when you do meet a potential partner, abstaining from sex for awhile prevents you from giving your focus away prematurely.
You now get 100% of your focus to put into taking care of your life, and what needs attention within.
The immediate relief you’ll feel from making this choice will astound you. The peace that washes over you will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You’ve just taken a large step towards healing the part of you that sought for love outside of yourself.
You’ve just taken yourself by the hand and said “I’m here now. And I’m going to take care of you.”
Vaginal Peace
Sex can be a major disruptor to the female body. It can directly cause UTIs, yeast infections, BV, pain, irritation, and STIs.
Many times, these issues come from the simple fact that your energetic system does not want sex. It also comes from having a partner that isn’t energetically harmonious for you. But like I said before, your vision gets clouded by the energetic exchange you have with mismatched partners.
Some women are Highly Sensitive (HSP). This means even with a perfectly matched partner, too much sex can be disruptive to the energetic system. This, too, can lead to UTIs, yeast infections etc. If that’s you, t’s important to take brief periods without sex to allow your system to settle.
Abstaining from sex means the elimination of all the inconvenient vaginal issues that come with it. This saves so much time, money, stress, and energy!
The Divine Becomes Your Matchmaker
When we stop having sex and dating for a time, we foster a healthy relationship with ourselves. The deeper this connection is, the louder your inner wisdom becomes. This inner wisdom can also be called “The Voice of God” or “The Voice of The Divine”
After you take some time away from sex and/or dating, you’ll no longer be going through the motions. You won’t be dating the wrong people at the wrong times. You won’t be wasting your time in relationships that shred your self-esteem. You won’t be dimming your light to make others comfortable.
We are under the illusion that we can somehow control when we fall in love. That if we don’t have sex we’ll be “single forever”. That if we don’t participate in the crazy games of this world, we won’t get the super secret grand prize of who-knows-what.
Most of all, we’re under the illusion that we can make things happen.
You can let go of trying to make anything happen. And in letting go, you’ve finally given your life over to the power that beats your heart. That power will guide to the perfect partner…the one you see in the mirror each day….and yes, that power will guide you to an ideal partner too…when the time is right.
Love,
Brenda
P.S. This month in The School of Transformation, we’re practicing the divine art of Self Love. If you’re ready to fall madly in love with yourself, join me in our sacred spiritual community!
